Embracing Affliction

I’ve always considered myself a pretty tough dude. I spent 28 years in public safety work, 17 years as a paramedic / firefighter and another twelve years as sheriff’s deputy.

During those years, I saw the worst of the world. I’ve held dead children, pulled bodies from destroyed vehicles, fallen through floors in burning buildings, been shot at, been in knock-down, drag out fights. You name it, and I’ve probably got the t-shirt that says “Been there, done that”.

But nothing in all my years of experience prepared me for my own crisis.

After several months of feeling as sick as a dog and losing twenty pounds and not knowing what was wrong, a surgeon finally gave me a diagnosis – a broken gallbladder. Surgery was scheduled and the surgeon did a great job, I didn’t even take anything for pain and the pain and symptoms I had prior to the surgery were gone instantly.

Then it happened

Two weeks after the surgery I woke up one morning feeling terrible. My heart was racing, nausea, chest pain, shortness of breath and my heart was having some major arrhythmias. It scared me unbelievably. I had seen this kind of thing kill people over the years I spent in an ambulance.

Fast forward now to today. I’m still having the cardiac symptoms. They tell me I’m fine, all the tests have shown I’m perfectly healthy. One of the doctors just flat out told me, “Live with it. It’s not going to kill you.” But I have to tell you it still scares me….MAJORLY!!!

Something is Broken

Now, here’s my point in telling you my story. I wake up in the middle of the night, in the morning, and even through out the day I find myself struggling, knowing that something is broken inside me. Something isn’t normal, it’s just not right. I have been telling myself every day that, yes, my body is broken. More specifically, my heart has some major issues and one day it will stop beating.

But, how do I embrace my fleshly affliction, how do I glorify God, even in my fear, how do look at it like the apostle Paul, as a “Light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison”?

Reminders

For me every time I have heart palpitations, every time I have chest pain, every time I am struck by the fear of them, I am going to stop and let it remind me of several things.

First, God’s word tells me, “you are Christ’s and Christ is God’s,” 1 Corinthians 3:23. I belong to Him and whatever His will is for my life, regardless of what that means here and now. I am firmly in His hands, I belong to Him.

Second, I know that one day He will bring me home to Him, I can’t stop that, I can’t delay that. But I can consciously embrace it and find joy knowing that my eternity will be with Him. I think that is really where my heart should be focused on.

“So we are always of good courage. We know that while we are at home in the body we are away from the Lord” 2 Corinthians 5:6.

Third, I need to not focus on the earthly and fleshly aspects of death, but on the salvific and heavenly joy that a Christian should be consumed with when looking at death. I was born with a broken heart that had separated me from God and yep, a broken heart may kill me one day. But, Christ has given me a new heart and clothed me in His righteousness and that is what I will remember daily, my future, my eternal destiny is with Him, I am an heir to throne. What is there for me to really fear then?

In the end, we make a conscious choice on how we will handle the afflictions in life. We can choose to embrace them and point to Jesus and the Gospel message as to our ultimate reason for hope, or we can be fearful and bitter and fight what God has placed in our path to draw ever so much closer to him and in doing so miss out on an incredible way to encounter the living God in a new way.